5 Signs to Leave a Relationship
5 Ways You Can Tell It's Time to Start Getting In Shape For Summer
Like most humans, my instinct during winter is to put on as many layers as possible, go outside only long enough to do what needs to be done, and then return safely to my cave, where I spend the rest of the cold day eating my stores of food, caring for my young, and sleeping. Or maybe I'm describing bears. My point is that the only companionship we truly crave during winter is provided by meat, cheese, and sugar. They're what really bring comfort in the icy void.
But now it's spring! And spring brings with it the realization of just how far we've let ourselves go in the cold and dark, meaning it's time to take back your health, sanity, and beauty by getting active again. So put down that stick of butter you've been eating, turn off your second marathon viewing ofTrue Detective, and start regaining some of the muscle tone you lost to your couch sometime after Christmas. Here are my five personal signs it's time to start the spring shed:
Your skin has turned a weird, sickly color... like old milk.
You're not a sexy vampire or an emotionally disconnected corporate raider, you're just pale. I may like to believe that I'm exuding a Pacific-Northwest goth sensuality that would make Stephanie Meyer proud, but in reality my dislike of going outside when it's below 32 degrees combined with my indecent love of ham has made me more like an F.X. Toole character. Also, I think I have rickets. Even if it's still only in the 40s or 50s, it's time to go outside and get some Vitamin D.
The cashier knows your weaknesses.
It's not easy to eat healthy in the winter—nothing grows. You can't exactly pop out to the garden and pick some fresh tomatoes or carrots, so you slip into bad winter eating habits. The other morning I dropped my daughter off at school and went to pick up a jar of "breakfast Nutella," and the woman behind the counter looked at me and said, "Wow, you were in here yesterday buying Nutella. You sure must love Nutella." I think she was Nutella-shaming me. By this time of year, fresh fruits and vegetables have started reappearing on grocery store shelves, and they are not the weird flavorless kind you get in the middle of winter. It's time to start eating right again. I'll see you next winter, my gooey chocolate and hazelnut lover.
Pants don't lie.
You don't need a scale to tell you that you've gained weight; you can feel it. I don't obsessively check my weight and freak out when I gain or lose a few pounds, but I do know when I'm getting consistently bigger. I feel it—and it doesn't feel good. I recently lost a lot of weight—so much that I dropped from an extra-large to a large and a 36 waist to a 34. I went out and bought a whole new wardrobe to celebrate my accomplishment. I can't afford to buy another new wardrobe, and my new form-fitting pants are telling me I need to start running again.
March Madness leads to March sadness.
Watching other people with seemingly boundless energy and enthusiasm do amazing things with their bodies fills me with incredible guilt about my own abject lethargy. I love the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I work from home, so I buy the biggest bucket of wings I can carry, stock up on birch beer and real beer, and basically lie on my floor all day eating wings and watching college basketball. After soaking in 14 hours of uninterrupted collegiate athleticism, I manage to heave my girth from the floor and go turn off the TV.
I then need to hit the shower and head to bed. It's inevitable that at some point on the way to the bathroom, I catch I glimpse of myself in the mirror. My face is covered in wing sauce, there are several blue cheese and beer stains on my Temple University t-shirt, and my gut is distended. There are bags under my eyes, and I am pale. I could not contribute valuable minutes off the bench to a scrappy underdog team or sink an improbable buzzer beater. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and do some push ups.
It's almost shorts season.
We have like five weeks before we start showing a lot more skin. I love all body types, I don't care how in shape or not someone is; when it gets hot, you should be able to strip down to keep cool. I'm not gonna complain about the person next to me wearing less. However, I also know that I'm much more self-conscious about shedding clothes when I feel out of shape, and I tend to respond by wearing more clothing, even in the heat. I don't want that. It's going to be 90 degrees in Philadelphia before I know it, and I don't have air conditioning. You better believe I'm gonna be wearing my shortest shorts and a tank top. If I wanna be able to pull that off comfortably and confidently, I've got some work to do.
Video: 5 Signs that Your Work Place is Toxic (And it's Time to Quit)
How to Become a Dog Trainer
How to Travel to India
10 Reasons Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail
Beauty Buzz: Nails Inc. and Preen Team Up, Iconic Bob Inspiration,More
Charlize Theron Is Officially Back to Smoking Weed, and Her Mom Is HerSupplier
How To Wear: The Field Jacket
Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Truffles
How to Hire an Ethical Hacker
Footwear Trend: Retro Running Trainers
11 Unique Style Tricks Only Fashion Girls Will Get